Obviously, the fact that you are reading this means I have some sort of computer. That's true, but it is a dinosaur of a computer, as only a girl living in the year 2010 could say, and that means I can't download pictures or get on facebook. These would be small matters except that several people have written messages to me there, saying important things, things I should and want to reply to, and I can't! So, to those of you who have not heard from me and who read in this place... I am waiting and longing to write back to you!
Instead, with the release from that hovering presence of picture processing and blog writing, I have been doing other things. Today we frosted sugar cookies in what is becoming a new tradition because of a wonderful recipe I gobbled up while visiting my inlaws two years ago. Then I made Mexican Wedding Cakes, by far one of my favorite Christmas cookies. Then I made curry. Not so Christmasy.
We read several books today. Twas the Night before Christmas (still love that one), some creepy story about Madeline getting kidnapped by the Gypsies, Blaze and Forest Fires, the beginnings of the Long Winter, and a corny Berenstain Bears book that has somehow become the Little Scout's all-time favorite.
We left the boys with some friends and went out into the markets to look for a few things for Christmas. It was a madhouse as usual and I hemmed and hawed my way through the bargaining as usual. Paid more than I should have as usual. It was freezing and that made me want to buy gloves, but all the gloves are either in pastels and bright colors or look like something a woman my mother's age would wear from Eddie Bauer. Which would be fine for her, but I'm only (only? I think you say that when you're twenty, or even younger) thirty and I don't shop there anymore, which is another long and possibly embarrassing story for another time.
It doesn't really feel like Christmas at all. Except for the cookies and presents and music playing from the Dinosaur Computer. I keep thinking that maybe doing without the few things that can steal my time so easily will make me more focused, and I'm sure it helps in some way. But I suppose I'm a lot like my children, who can't see anything at all except what they are doing right now and whether or not it is fun at all.
I have noticed a few thing lately however, in spite of my perpetual blindness:
- The way they all join in when we sing carols around the advent wreath, belting each line for all they are worth.
- They way Curls is starting to watch out more for his sister, and do things to help make her happy when she is having a hard time.
- The way Skills seems very sensitive right now, needing more time with his mom, more reassurance about everything, more time just being at home and feeling looked out for.
- The sun setting over the rooftops. You can see it if you look way down to the end from the porch at around 4:30 pm.
- How we all need people around us.
- Many people are suffering, and a handout once a year is not enough.
- I live in a place far beyond what most people here can afford. I need to look back, not further ahead.
- My family is further and further away.
- I live with great Hope and am gaining daily bits of Joy.