In the Last 6 months

For the first time in what feels like a long time, I made something with my daughter, and enjoyed every flour filled, hand licking moment from beginning to end and all the parts in between.

It has been a long six months since I last sat down to write. The days have been full, for both body and brain, and sometimes the end of one day and the start of the next seemed to lose their boundaries. I have often felt like even though I was getting food on the table, and the house was clean, and everyone had clothes in their drawers, that my ends were fraying and I had little to offer that was good and decent and nurturing.

In the last six months we moved houses again, though not cities, we wrapped up a hectic and trying school year, and then we went home to the States for a few weeks and saw family and friends not seen in 2 years.

Last week, we arrived back in China, to unpack in our new apartment that we are oh so grateful for, and to re-acquaint ourselves with a new neighborhood and all the quirks that this new place seems to be anxious to offer. The first few nights we were without power, our freezer full of meat had rotted over the summer, and the Man had to head straight back to work while I faced a mountain of unpacked boxes, unpacked luggage, and four little sweaty kids wanting food and play and (preferably) a mother who was not irritable.

The overwhelming flood of thankfulness I feel for this new, bigger, more accommodating space for our family (a true provision that came about in a very God-given way) has been tempered by a struggle to work through all the troubles that have splayed across our path since arriving. This summer a friend mentioned that sometimes it is good to know specifically what you are offering up to God as a sacrifice, rather than just thinking of life in general as sacrificial unto him. We are not martyrs. We are living sacrifices... not just to burn and char, but to become a beautiful, pleasing aroma.

The daily battle I face with attitude and understanding and strength to do the next thing is also tempered by the grace I see in so many little things. I ask for help, and he gives it: The afternoon of baking and cooking with my daughter, where I freely engaged and enjoyed her immensely and she found me teaching and guiding her and not scolding or shoving aside, the pleasure of well-behaved boys playing with a friend all day when his mother was in need of a sitter, the calm hand of a gentle and guiding husband even when we are faced together with so much that seems beyond us, the Daily Words that comfort and guide me when my heart so easily runs to other thoughts and ways that are not His.

I'm trying I tell you! I think writing about bits and pieces of it here always helps me and so I'm trying again.

Here's to hoping for another six months.