Normally this blog is a sanctuary of sorts for me. It gives me a space to let out a little creativity, or to share something I'm working on or thinking through that excites me, maybe challenges me. I think it bums me out when I have nothing to offer here. Whether it's full days that channel all my energy into other tasks, or just a waning in creative thought, I don't like feeling stuck, or dry, or whatever it is.
I think it may take me awhile to hit my stride in this place. Even though we are settling in okay... kids doing well in school and with friends (a huge blessing), job going fairly as expected, our home coming along slowly but surely, I just don't feel myself at all. My regular tasks are sort of constant-- getting the kids to school and shopping for food (which these days and often in China feels like foraging or hunting), washing, hanging, and folding endless laundry, cleaning, preparing, caring for the kids needs when they return home, etc. etc. I suppose it is the other routines of my day that feel a little lost. Maybe it's the people that were a part of them, or the places I loved to go. I just haven't found those things quite yet here.
All the pictures above are from our short walk or ride to school in the morning. It's the only place I've been able to take my camera out with me. I am itching to find something more interesting. I guess I feel a bit like an intruder again with the camera too. I don't know these markets or streets, and I feel funny poking my lens into their faces or places. Maybe it's that I'm trekking around on a bike more too... and that makes it harder to stop and take pictures, especially when you have a wide load (almost 3 year old) strapped behind you. I don't know... whatever it is that's stopping me, I don't like it. I want to get over it.
I want to get over it, but I do think all I can do is just take the day in front of me and do with it what I can. Day by Day... it's my theme of late and I think it may be growing into a lifelong one. You really can't handle more than a day at a time. Daily Bread, Daily Manna, Give us Today the grace we need... not enough for a week or a year or the child-rearing years, but just Today. I've noticed He really does do that too. You worry about tomorrow and it does you no good. You don't even know what tomorrow will hold, which way things will go. But you take what is in front of you and He helps you through it. And you do the same thing with the next day, and the next task, and one... step... at a time.
I think there just may be something to it.