Courage and Oceans

"There is courage when you cross the ocean." Someone said it and I laughed. It was a joke. It was meant to be funny. We kept saying it, mocking... laughing... until I started to think in all seriousness, it is quite true.

My brother moved his wife and three young children across the ocean this week. They came all the way from the USA and landed here in our city, to join in the work of teaching at our school. They now live in the building directly behind mine. They, who along with the rest of our family have lived thousands of miles, or days of plane rides, or numbers of oceans and continents away, now live in a proximity that can be spanned in a number of minutes.

This unbelievable blessing has washed over me with a flurry of preparations and giddiness and currently, the nearly full time work of helping a family (MY family!!) acclimate to this strange and wonderful new life in a foreign land. And amidst all that excitement and work, I am flooded too with memories. I can remember my first days with an almost eerie clarity. The sound of my feet on the floor of the apartment. The feel of the hot sun coming through the windows, and the blast of humidity that hit you as you left the front door. I can remember holding back tears as I walked down the aisles at the nearby store, recognizing nothing and walking out with a package of crackers and a family waiting at home to be fed. The mistakes I made. The friends I bonded with. The fears I had. The challenges I overcame. The way it became my life. The way it eventually began to feel... normal. Sort of.

And then I can't help but think of one year ago. A new challenge. A new city. All those things I thought I had overcome, the hardships that had become normal, the routines I had created, they were uprooted and so we all were and we found ourselves here in this new place. I felt the losses with a keenness I had not even felt when leaving America. I felt stripped. Things were harder; the weather was difficult, the location was trying, the job was demanding and the rewards if there were any seemed hidden. I lost motivation for the things that had inspired me. I stopped taking pictures. The knitting needles stayed propped up in their basket collecting dust all year. I barely wrote, on the blog or otherwise. And even when I tried to revive some of it, I couldn't sustain anything. I wondered if I was trying too hard... if I was being asked to give up these things and devote more time to others.

There is courage when you cross the ocean. Courage means "the ability to do something that frightens one." It does not mean you are actually strong, or that you are not frightened. You just do whatever you have to do anyway, in spite of the fact that you may be weak, or scared, or frightened. I wonder why we do the things we do, the things that frighten us. Certainly there is a Bigger Picture in mind, and that is what led our family to head into an unknown that was frightening to me. It took courage to make that choice, but I think the courage came from somewhere deeper, something that was borne of faith, something that I couldn't conjure on my own. Sometimes it's all you can do to merely whisper a "yes Lord, okay... I'll do it." And then you collapse all limp and scared out of your mind at what you may have just agreed to.

That's just it though... courage: it doesn't mean you have to have all the strength to complete the task at once. Just do the next thing. Maybe it is going to the grocery store all hot and sticky with a baby strapped to you and a squirmy toddler in the cart. Maybe you cringe as all the people whose language you don't understand crowd around you and poke and point. You want to go home. You want a Starbucks and your minivan. But you bear it, you do your job, you get home, you collapse and think "I did it." and you keep doing the next thing before you, believing this is in fact the very place you have been called to be, and these tasks are the very things you've been asked by the God of the Universe to do. You do them. And slowly, inch by little inch, you get stronger and the place finds it's way into you so that even when it's hard... you realize one day that for some reason, you love it. The place hasn't changed, nor have your tasks, but the spirit inside you, the thing that helped you say "yes" has changed the makeup of your heart and you are rooting for a life you once struggled to think you could ever get used to.

It takes courage to...
You complete the sentence.
Then have a good laugh if you like.
And in all seriousness you may find it is nothing short of true.

summer stills

Oh, I am falling behind again. 

We had a birthday.

And it rained quite a bit for a stretch there. 

We bought paint for these white walls that have been staring at me all year. 

There was some work done in the kitchen (my counter no longer hits me at the knees!). 

I've been teaching Curls his first lessons in piano. 

We busted out the puzzles (and nearly lost the Man in a puzzle vortex that threatened to swallow him for the rest of the summer). 

We have been hosting friends. 

We went for a few swims at a nearby pool infested with some kind of bug that you can't see or feel... until the nasty bites show up later all over your legs. 

I bought a canvas to paint on. I have never painted a canvas in my life, and yet somehow, I believe I can do it. 

I am ready to take pictures with the Canon again and give Instagram a break.

The Baby is almost 3 months old. He is quite possibly, perfect.

I cut inches, in large number, off my hair and it feels wonderful. Don't tell my mother. If you tell her, please also tell her it continues to grow as it has done my whole life long. Tell her not to worry.

The sun has come out to play here and there. 

We are here, nearly a year, and I am rejoicing at the change in my heart about it.

Summer Memorization Part I

Below are the taped results of our first two weeks of memory work this summer. 

If it seems we have an extremely "American" theme going on-- it was not entirely intentional. It is true however, that living outside of the American school system means we get a little behind on some of the standards, like the Pledge of Allegiance. Before we left for China, I remember a friend who grew up overseas telling me about her experience. Often as an American abroad, you can feel a little gun-shy to be to overtly "American" because as you quickly realize, most of the world either sees you as obnoxious, ethnocentric, ignorant, or all of the above. Or even if you don't have that experience, when you are surrounded by a host of other nationalities, you want to be accomodating and interested, not caught up purely in the nuances and traditions of your own home country. But, my friend noted, that in her parents attempt not to be obnoxious and over-the-top about their American-ness, they failed to pass on down to her some of the basics every citizen usually knows. Things like the Pledge of Allegiance, or the names of the States, or the song about the Presidents. So make sure your kids know that stuff, is what she told me. And I can see the sense in it.

The other thing I want to say is that iMovie is just way too much fun. I could get locked in a closet for the summer and possibly never come out if I had that nifty little program all to myself. Pure genius.

Without further ado... I bring you Summer 2012 Memorization Bonanza, Part I. Enjoy!

{day 10} a trip to the embassy means special treats

{day 10} a trip to the embassy means long car rides and China-style, no car seats

{day 11} friends for lunch

{day 11} happy about what we are eating...

Tried a bit of rabbits head today. Our friends who came for lunch brought it with them, cooked Sichuan-style with a lot of lajiao (hotttt) and huajiao (numbbb). The boys wanted to try the brains but chickened out in the end. I know there is an ignorant, ethnocentric part of me that wonders, "why must we eat the head of a rabbit?" when all the while my freezer is mostly full of one single part of the chicken, the chicken breast, which would probably lead most people in the world to ask, "why must we only eat one part of the chicken?" Add this to a long list of things I wish was different about me... more frugal, more willing, more thoughtful, etc. etc.

The days have been surprisingly mild weather wise, while everywhere else in the northern hemisphere I read of scorching temperatures. It has meant some reprieve for us though, who know our scorching months are just around the bend. We are making good use of the outside time though. Scout did her typical independent wonder-woman thing and merely one day after having her dad mount training wheels, took them off by herself, and proceeded to teach herself to ride. Now she is whipping around the neighborhood like it's nobody's business. 

We have been plugging away at our Summer Memorization Bonanza (not really called that) and I am so proud of these kids. What I am proud of is their hard work. Memorization comes quite naturally to children, I think, but hard work does not always and they have stuck with their daily routine to review and plug away at the next card. So only two weeks in and we are reaching goals I thought would take us a good while longer. I can't wait to share their results soon. The best part is: I end up memorizing all of their works as well! This is old hat probably for most homeschooling moms, but I don't have that kind of opportunity, so this has been surprisingly gratifying for us all.

And finally, today is my little sister's birthday. She is so far away and it seems strange to have spent more than half my life with her (to date) only to now have so little face to face time with her. She is a beautiful, thoughtful, talented wife and mother of two and I'm thinking about her and our masking tape room dividers and matching watermelon dresses today.

{day 8 and 9}

{day 8} rain

{day 9} fresh and lemony

{day 9} orzo goodness

The East Meets West Medicinal Cocktails are working (I think) and I feel a little better these past two days. They have been full though, and this is a good thing. Even though the summers here in this line of work may be a bit more dull and lonely than what we "normally" think of for summer, the upside is that we have more time as a family and more time with others. It is much easier for us to have people over several times a week than it is during the school year and we try to take full advantage of that. But cooking for large groups of people usually takes up most of my day, if not only because there are so many little people around and other home tasks to be attended to and usually at least 1/2 if not more of the meal needs to be made from scratch. So, I have to start early and keep trucking away at it through the day.

I walked outside today and watched my daughter push off without training wheels, completely of her own doing. She's such a go-getter, that one. Fearless and determined. She is much that way with people too which can be both off putting at times, and charming at others. She has made friends with more grandma's and little kids in this neighborhood than the rest of us combined and it has actually helped the boys to get more comfortable with that too. Our upstairs neighbor, a sweet and mannerly middle aged woman, has taken quite a liking to Scout and now all our kids are calling her "Song Mama." She brought us jiaozi yesterday. And she gave all the kids a chinese name, but the family name she gave them was Song, so I guess that means she thinks they are hers now.

Tomorrow we are heading into the city to take care of some things at the embassy. That means I will get to go to Starbucks and eat a muffin. I love it when there is something, even something small, to look forward to.

{day seven} family workout

The last two days I have been sick as a dog. Feverish, achy, coughing up a storm. It's been going on for over a week but the last two days put me down and out of commission somewhat (can you ever really fully go out of commission when you have a nursing baby?). I have been mixing up East meets West medicinal cocktails with Chinese herbal remedies, antiobiotics, and some Ibuprofen. Something is bound to work, I think to myself, hoping I don't end up in the newspapers tomorrow.

Anyway, hoping to be in better form after a (sort of) good nights sleep, or two, or three. There are only so many days dad can handle making three meals a day-- though he does it like a champ.

rotten asparagus and the state of my chinese

{day five} first lessons: it's all about the hand position

{day five} the girl got herself a bike

If you break your day up into twenty minute segments, you would be amazed at how many things can be done. I think at this stage of our lives, twenty minute segments is the way to go. Half hour... too long. Fifteen minutes... too short. Twenty minutes. Perfect. I don't know how I came upon this magical number. But it is even finding it's way into my nap... which just happened to be twenty lovely minutes long today. 

My son just walked up to the computer and saw this picture of Scout. "That is soooome girl." was all he said. Reminded me of Wilbur. But he's right. She is quite a girl. She's something alright.

I took all four kids to the market this morning. I ride on the front of our three wheeled scooter, with the baby strapped to me, and the other three ride on the little seat in back. My Chinese teacher says this is "very interesting" because the three wheeled scooters are typically only used by the old or infirm. I suppose having four children in China puts me in the class of the infirm. When I drove to the large grocery store the other day, I noticed the parking sign for large scooters said in it's awkwardly translated English, "three wheel park for very old." I felt ashamed and misplaced. I was not very old, but I did have the three wheeler. Would they yell at me? Would they look scornfully at me? But my teacher just says they will think it is "very interesting."

I have been meeting with her, my teacher, every day this week for 2 hours. In the five years we have been here, I have studied off and on as babies and schedules allowed, and that has amounted to approximately one year of formalized study. The rest has been picked up here and there through things I read or hear or ask. This has served me okay, but I'm finding this week that I have a lot of bad habits, and have been confusing people for years now with my backwards way of saying some things. Such as, the Chinese put "le"  (sounds like luh) on the end of nearly everything they say (it seems), so some time ago when I was made aware of that, I started doing it too. I know sometimes it makes a phrase present tense and sometimes it makes a phrase past tense and yet there are plenty of times when you shouldn't do it, like when you are saying something in the negative I guess, so when I just found that out yesterday I realized how out of control my use of "le" really is. Basically I've just been piece-mealing together words and phrases with abandon and now have to deconstruct quite a bit of it. But I did have a small success in calling the piano tuner, which I've waited nearly an entire year to do and our poor neglected upright is starting to sound like a bad bar-room honkey tonk.

Anyway, we went to the market, the kids and I, with my newly brushed up, deconstructed Chinese and I found asparagus! What a treat! Only to come home and find the entire mid section of the bundle rotting out and moldy. The smell reminded me of old, wet shoes. It was disappointing. I didn't feel like hauling everyone back on that "very interesting" scooter to make my complaint. And perhaps my "le" would get in the way of my explanation and we would be sent home with a Chinese herbal remedy for old, wet shoes or something.

But if you think about the fact that you bought a bushel of rotten asparagus for no more than twenty minutes, you're bound to be okay. You just move on to the next thing.le