13/365 Cold. Need Color.

It was the most polluted day of the year I think. So gray and cold. It feels like walking in a suffocating haze around here. My eyes are hunting for color, and for all the pretty this January has to offer. I will find it if I have to on street corners and in coffee beans, in words and in a prayer. Like a blind woman learning to see.

12/365 Pieces of Monday

Monday mornings are for re-grouping, re-gaining ground lost on the weekend, all the extra stuff lying around underfoot, the havoc wreaked on every room, the fridge that needs stocking and meals that need planning and prepping. Monday is for trying to gather my thoughts with an all-too-cheery toddler doing flying leaps onto my lap, spilling coffee all over my book. Monday is not for the meek.

11/365 Look Down, Look Deep

The other day, and on so many days, Looking Up is the thing. Mired as we are in the muck it seems, buried in the smog and our circumstances, we need to see beyond the clouds.

It's funny and backward, and somewhat surprising then, that in Looking Up, we are driven back again to Looking Down, deep down into the depths of ourselves. It seems that the more we see of God, the more we see ourselves. And the braver we become. Looking up at Him, we get down to the business of looking honestly at who we really are

Sunday hit hard today and I was humbled. Reminded, yet again that if I want to grow, I must let Him show me the truth about myself. No excuses. No pat encouragements to help me brush it off and feel slightly less remorseful. But I am starting to see that I can stand the heat of the Light being shed on the ugliest parts of my soul to the degree that I trust the One who walks me through it. He cuts deep to bring me life, and I want real life. He reveals to bring repair, and I want to be whole. 

In the wake of so many places that tell us we are trying hard enough, doing our best with what we have, I need to be called to something more. C.S. Lewis was, as always, clear and helpful.

We may, indeed, be sure that perfect [character or love or goodness of any kind] will not be attained by any merely human efforts. You must ask for God's help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is being given. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again. For however important [courage, or truthfulness, or any other virtue] may be, this process trains us in habits of the soul which are more important still. It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God.

We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven. The only fatal things is to sit down content with anything less than perfection. 

To grow, to really grow, the hands must open wide. No clenching of this attitude I have a right to, this resentment that is deserved, this jealousy disguised as criticism, this backbiting or bitterness or superiority, or laziness. All is open to the blazing gaze and glare of the Goodness of God, letting Him speak to places we are determined never to air out. Look up, Look up, and Look Down, Look Deep. 

10/365 Sweet Girl | Six Miles

My girl, entirely complicated and full of extreme everything. 

My husband, against the popular notion of taking pictures of one's feet, was ignored today because all mileage increases should be celebrated. #sixmilesthissaturday

9/365 Look up, Look up

This time of year, the days of gray and cold can seem never-ending. Almost everlasting.

It's a hard reality to live with but I see in those skies a reminder of faithfulness and the fact that what is so often hidden by a tight pack of clouds and pollution, is still there working it's powerful, life-giving glory. 

Today, like so many of the days likely will in the span of 365, did not end great. It was a beautiful day overall, and for most of it I was at peace, but there was difficulty as it drew to a close and I felt the clouds close in. How to share out of that place?

Looking up at that sky this morning, with the sun barely showing it's face, I began with hope. And hope is where I need to end it. I was reminded by that faint light this morning that I must always, always look up. Feet firmly planted on earth, with my hands in the mess of it all, but never keeping my eyes on my feet. Even Hagar was seen in her affliction*, and the poor will not always be forgotten*, and all of my groanings are heard along with every other cry that raises it's voice to the Heavens.*

There is no impotence there. No slowness to act or indifference to our pleas. The very wind and the seas obey Him*, and it is faith that pleases like a gift of infinite worth.*

He can move mountains, He can change hearts, He can make the sun rise every single day. And He does.

*Gen 6, Psalm 9, Romans 8, Matthew 8, Romans 4

8/365 From Dawn til Dusk

From Dawn

Til Dusk.

7/365 Inside | Outside

| inside |

| outside |